You’re never dealing with anything! by Mary Schiller | Jan 19, 2018 | Being happy, The Three Principles, Video | 7 comments Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Related 7 Comments JANET UPDIKE on January 19, 2018 at 8:39 pm Hi Mary Thanks for the video. To be honest, if I had not read your autobiography and was just listening to your ideas, I think I would be able to accept them more readily. Knowing of the horrendous experiences you and your daughter went through with your ex-husband, I am stuck. In the middle of all of the abuse you suffered, would you have been able to say that you were not dealing with anything? I must confess that I cannot get past this. Are you saying that the actual physical suffering was all in how you thought about it? I really don’t understand this. Reply Mary Schiller on January 19, 2018 at 8:53 pm Hi Janet: Thanks so much for watching and for posting a comment. Your question is a good one. In the midst of it, I was still only “dealing with” the thoughts going through my head and making decisions based on those thoughts. Those decisions were the best I could do at the time based on those thoughts, not on anything my ex-husband was doing. Physical suffering also starts with Thought. There is no other way it can begin, even from a physiological standpoint. These principles are principles, so there are no exceptions — even when it looks like there are. Nothing that I’m saying makes my ex-husband’s behavior socially acceptable; it doesn’t excuse it or make it OK. But my experience of all of that came from within me. And that is the realization that ended my suffering. Edited to add that even if my life had ended during that period of time, I still would have had everything. Nothing would have been lost or broken, because Life, capital “L,” cannot be lost or broken. Reply Janet on January 19, 2018 at 9:02 pm Thanks for your prompt reply! I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this. If someone receives a beating, then regardless of what they think about it, they are going to be suffering. It seems to me that by saying that your experience came from within you, it lays the blame for the abuse on you, rather than on the perpetrator. That seems preposterous to me. However, having said that, if having these beliefs brings you peace, then who am I or anyone to quarrel with that? Take care. Reply Mary Schiller on January 19, 2018 at 9:19 pm Hi again, Janet: I didn’t explain myself very well, so I will try again. It’s important, because the notion of responsibility is key here; the notion of “victim blaming” is the complete opposite of what I’m talking about. 1) My ex-husband did what he did because he listened to thoughts in his mind that told him to hurt someone else in order to feel better. He didn’t know that he could wait out those thoughts and see what else occurred to him do to. He was in a very low state of consciousness/understanding, and he also thought that something or someone “out there” could affect the way he experienced his life. He was responsible for the actions he took based on his thoughts. Do you see how I am not taking responsibility for the abuse? Instead, I’m seeing exactly how his abusive behavior came about (finally!). It had absolutely nothing to do with me or my daughter. 2) Any feeling we have comes from within. There is no other way it can work. All the years after the marriage, I suffered — and I hadn’t seen him in years and years. How could that be? It’s because I was listening to thoughts in my own head. When I realized that, I also realized that I could stop my suffering; I didn’t have to listen to those thoughts anymore. And my suffering ended. 3) Luckily, these principles do not resemble beliefs to me. They almost seem like science — which is especially helpful for me, because I don’t see myself as a spiritual person, particularly (and not religious in the classic sense, either). I hope this helps clear up the question of responsibility. He did what he did because it looked correct to him, based on the thoughts he had at the time. That doesn’t make his behavior right, but seeing the “why” also relieved a lot of my suffering. Reply JANET UPDIKE on January 19, 2018 at 9:31 pm I understand what you are saying now. Thank you. Deven on January 19, 2018 at 11:28 pm Hi, Mary, just wanted to thank you and let you know you are a source of inspiration for me. I am enrolled in Nicola Birds’Little Peace of Mind, and became aware of you through that. And i am glad i did. I am intrigued and impressed with your talks. I also think you are not a “normal” person, but are on a higher plane of existence, even tho i have heard you say you are a normal person(i don’t believe you! LOL.) Anyway, i hope to tap into this amazingness i get from you within myself and am currently working on it, thank you. Reply Mary Schiller on January 19, 2018 at 11:39 pm Hi Deven: Thanks for stopping by the blog and for posting a comment. That means a lot. I appreciate that it looks like I’m living on a higher plane of existence, but I certainly feel like a “normal” person — which is something I never experienced before coming across the Three Principles. We’re all on the same plane, as far as I can tell. 🙂 Reply Submit a Comment Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. 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